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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26780683">Only in Dreams</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittimau/pseuds/kittimau'>kittimau</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dragon Age Artober [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Canonical Character Death, Childhood Memories, Dreams, Dreams vs. Reality, Emotionally Repressed, Fade Dreams, Fade Spirits, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, In the Fade, Mage Hawke (Dragon Age), Memories, Purple Hawke (Dragon Age), Repression, The Fade, not in detail though</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:06:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>500</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26780683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittimau/pseuds/kittimau</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A glimpse into the sleeping mind of the Champion.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fenris/Male Hawke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dragon Age Artober [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948519</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Beyond the Veil's Artober Event</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Only in Dreams</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  
</p><p><b>Day 2:</b> <i>Dreamer</i></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It is home, but not home.</p><p>          Hawke knows this as all mages do, awareness pressing close and firm like the heaviness of water though his body feels pliant, weightless, and buoyant as it’d be floating upon the waves. The colors are always just a bit <em>off</em>, the gleam of sun and candlelight a touch too brilliant, sound distorted and muffled by a quiet, constant susurrus, the air devoid of scent. Here he navigates across the timeless and eternal depths of his memories, replicas of the waking world, with practiced ease. Seeks comfort in nostalgia and familiarity.</p><p>          Carver sits at the kitchen table as he usually does in this particular dream - one of Garrett’s favorites. Though Carver has not been “little” a day in his life, he grins, because he was taller than his little brother then, broad like the father they both took after, and could still carry the boy on his shoulders on their trips to Lothering’s market. And Bethany, sweet Bethany, beside him, so fragile yet strong in her way, all beautiful mirth, and captivating smiles.</p><p>
  <em>          How I miss her.</em>
</p><p>          The curve at the corners of his lips droops, the light in the house dimming with a brief flicker before he can tame the emotion, reel it back. Because they aren’t here, not really. Mere spirits, friendly ones kind enough to indulge the fantasies he only allows himself in the Fade. Out there… out there they pain him too greatly. He pushes them aside with drink, with women and men. Hedonism is an easy escape, blissful yet temporary just as life is, thus he never hesitates to dive headlong into carnality there.</p><p>          In this precious place, however, it’s the softer things that soothe him. Sometimes it’s the days before the Blight, others it’s the Hanged Man and games of Wicked Grace and Varric spinning tales, and still others it’s that night with Fenris which feels both too close and so far gone. Beneath the sarcasm and arrogance he carries like a shield lies a tender heart, one that’s been broken more times than he can count, and only in dreams does he expose that buried, forgotten part of himself.</p><p>          It’s for the best.</p><p>          Too much rides on his strength, on his morale. He has borne many titles in his life, a life that feels exhaustingly long and simultaneously short enough for him to acknowledge the vastness of experience and accomplishment ahead. Thief and scoundrel, notorious philanderer, noble, fearsome and powerful mage, savior and defender of innocents, lover, friend, heir, and first and foremost, brother.</p><p>          He is Garrett Liam Hawke, firstborn son of Malcolm Hawke and Leandra Amell, Champion of Kirkwall.</p><p>          Tonight, he sleeps, basking in the luxury of calm and joy the childhood he never truly had brings. Watches his siblings bicker, banter, tease and laugh with no worries, no burdens upon their shoulders but the daily chores of maintaining their tiny, peaceful corner of Ferelden farmland.</p><p>          Tomorrow, he wakes to a mansion near empty as his heart.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <i>Written for the Beyond the Veil Discord's Artober Event.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Thoughts? Let me know in the comments!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>If you'd like to receive updates for my works, hit that <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittimau/profile">subscribe</a> button.</p><p>Have questions or comments? Want to chat about DA or writing? Find me on <a href="https://kittimau.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a> or <a href="https://twitter.com/kittimau1">Twitter</a>.</p><p>Looking for a supportive, welcoming community of awesome fans and content creators who share your love of Dragon Age?<br/><a href="https://discord.gg/Maa2zFs">Join us Beyond the Veil</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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